It has been an interesting week this past week with its fair share of highlights and not-so-shining moments. Ending with something that I still battle hard with from time to time....and that is patience. I have times where I am so content with the way life is and then other times when I feel like I am at a stand still while everybody else is living life and passing me by. The things I hope and desire for seem to be being reached by everyone else I know but me. This week it has particularly hit me hard as reach the closeness of being the big 25. Which is apparently supposed to be a big deal as you officially turn a quarter of a century old, why I don't know?? Anyway, there have honestly been times this week where I have wondered what I really have to show for it? Now of course as He usually does, God chose to give me a little kick in the pants and insight when I least expected it. And that came through on my ride with Sam this morning. So my Sam is a pretty easy going boy, quiet and steady, save for the few random boogie monsters that jump out at him in the form of beeping automatic gates that open by themselves. ;D Anyway it doesn't matter how long ago we last went for a ride, he almost always level-headed and chill. Almost too chill. Sam likes to take life slow when we ride outside. He is never in a rush to get somewhere, he would rather mosey along and take his time looking at everything and wandering about to explore every path that possibly could be taken. This is a stop-and-smell-the-roses horse if I ever have seen one. Now on this particular morning I found myself in a rush, rush mode. I just wanted to get somewhere, and then on to the next thing and the next. I felt like I constantly had to prod him to move faster with him continually choosing to not cooperate until I had a light bulb moment and in that moment God spoke to me. "Stop and see what this little horse is trying to teach you right now. You are in such a rush for what? Slow down and enjoy this time." God was using my little horse to teach me something. Here I was so bottled up like a soda can that has been shaken too much, ready to explode, that I was not enjoying what I had going on right then. I was busy worrying about the next stage in my day and not taking in the moment. So in that moment I made the decision to stop fighting and just to relax and enjoy the rest of my time. I soon realized that I have been fighting just like I was this morning, all week. Wondering why I am not at the various stages of life that I think I should be at, at almost 25? Feeling like I have to hurry or it will be too late for me. The frustraion of wondering why me? Why do I have to feel like I am struggling to run through water when everybody else seems to be on the shore? Life should not be wasted but it certainly should not be rushed either. I am reminded that everyone's story is different and I cannot judge where I am at in the journey of my life based off of where someone else is at in theirs. Which I've realized is what I have been doing this past week in all the other 20 somethings I can think of. I am not a failure because I am not where I think I should be in my life right now or where other people think I should be. God has a purpose and a plan and I have to remember to trust Him and be patient. Now that is SO much easier said than done, but I think we have to condition ourselves to look at what we already have instead of what we don't have. If I had progressed into a different stage of my life than where I am at right now, I probably wouldn't have my awesome job, a little house to take care which I love, my animals, the ability to take Sam out and go riding in the first place, and all the skills that I now possess and am continuing to learn. We have to get out of the mindset of "well I am not here yet", or "or I haven't accomplished this yet", and look at what we do have or what we have come from. I am still learning that it isn't wrong to desire and hope for certain things in our lives...the family of our own, the property of our own, the dream job, the business of our own...but if we aren't there yet it isn't because we suck at life. It is probably because God is saying it isn't time yet. Or on the other hand maybe it is and we just need to stop chomping at the bit so much, focus on Him, and let Him do the work. Anything can change in instant. And once again I have to trust that God's will is perfect and best even if it is not always what I envision. My job is to do His will and accomplish His purpose for me, not me accomplishing my purposes. We have to understand that we may not get everything we want right when we want it or maybe not at all, but that doesn't mean that life can't be good. And I want you to know that even as I right this I still struggle. So if you share in this you are not alone. Sometimes it is sooo hard to wait and trust that it is all going to work out as it is supposed to. If you are like me, maybe there are even times when you have asked God to take away your hope and desire in a particular area if it is never meant to be. But then I realize that if this was the case then we would be more like robots than real humans beings and this is not what God wants for us. "...I came that that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10 (ESV) He wants us to feel emotions, to love, to desire the good things He has ordained in life, because He wants us to realize how much we really need Him and need to trust in His love for us. And every time I fall at His feet exhausted from endlessly pushing and prodding like I do sometimes to Sam, I see all that I am missing. I see all the goodness and blessings before me. That gives me hope. God does not withhold things from us because He wants to be this dictator that looks down upon us here on earth and enjoys watching us struggle. He wants us slow down, look up and understand that He has our best interests in mind. He wants to protect us, grow us, and give us the present of life, to open every day as we go. Life that does not have a set of hard fast rules as to how it should exactly go, where we should be at such and such point in time, what we should have at such and such age, but rather taking day by day, walking hand in hand, letting Him show what He has for us. (Jer. 29:11) Because life would be boring if we already new all that lied ahead. Life would maybe not even seem worth living in our minds, but in His there is always a purpose for good. So I will keep trying to be still (Ps. 46:10) and wait on His perfect timing, while dedicating my time to what He has right now for me. Because the every day details may need our attention before we are ready for other things. (Luke 16:10) We are not failures, we are "more than conquerors" (Rom. 8:37). Our relationship with Christ ultimately makes us whole and is all we need in this life. In this world it is easy to lose sight of that in the hustle and bustle of everyone around us, but we must come back to it in order to be truly happy in this life. I still need to work on my patience but I am grateful for a God who is ever so patient with me and for my sweet little horse, who shows me how truly blessed I am to have him in my life and to remind me to take it slow.... life is so good. :)
For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9
and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9
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